Why I Worry I’m Being Encouraging, But Not Realistic
When I’m coaching and working with clients, I aim to be as encouraging as possible.
- “You can do it!”
- “Great effort today!”
- “Be proud of your progress”
Why am I like this?
Because getting healthy is hard enough.
People are always beating themselves up because of their health.
- They feel they’re not doing enough.
- They feel guilty for enjoying their food
- They feel ashamed of their bodies and how they have ‘failed’ themselves
There’s so much negative self-talk surrounding health, that I feel like I have to be as upbeat and optimistic as possible– for the people I’m trying to help.
But…
I also feel like I’m hiding a plain fact.
And Here’s the Truth: Getting Healthy– Staying Active– It’s Hard Work!
I believe that there are 3 areas of your life where you cannot take shortcuts
- Relationships
- Mental Wellbeing (aka Mental Health)
- Physical Health
Take relationships for example
We’ve all seen how futile it is to ‘buy’ someone’s affection. No amount of money you spend on someone will ever build a true, lasting relationship with that person.
You have to put in the time.
You have to regularly stay in touch.
You must be present and genuine
People can tell.
Health is similar.
Oh how we all wish there were a once-and-for-all magic-bullet-pill that we could take once and be healthy forever. So much money has been spent (and wasted) trying to reach this health holy grail.
And while there will always be tricks and hacks (that might even work in the short term), to be truly healthy until the day you die, you’re simply going to have to put in the work
And yes– that’s hard to do
Now… Here’s the good news:
You are Definitely Able to do Hard Things
How do I know this?
Because you’ve done hard things in life before!
Whether you’re a student in the middle of midterms, or a 60-year old who has seen it all, your life is full of experiences where you’ve done something challenging, frustrating, overwhelming, and at the edge of your ability.
In a post, Nat Eliason writes:
Our self-image is composed of historical evidence of our abilities.
The more hard things you push yourself to do, the more competent you will see yourself to be.
If you can run marathons or throw double your body weight over your head, the sleep deprivation from a newborn is only a mild irritant. If you can excel at organic chemistry or econometrics, onboarding for a new finance job will be a breeze.
Take a look into your past– and show yourself where you’ve done hard things before
But Javier, you might say–
it’s not the same.
Getting a 4 year degree.
Managing a team of professionals
Raising a kid
Starting a business
Yes these are all hard, but it’s not like getting healthy– that’s on a different level.
Well let me share with you a quick story
How I Almost Gave up on Fitness when I had Nerve Pain Problems
At the start of 2020, I started noticing some tingling sensations in my right arm.
I needed to see a doctor, but it was the middle of the pandemic, and so I could not visit a clinic. The best I could do was tele-consult with a neurologist.
Unfortunately, that consultation was unhelpful. And the doctor basically said, “Now that this has happened to you, it’s going to be with you forever– this is now a part of your body’s experience. You have to limit your exercise to protect your nerves.”
WHAT
As someone who tends to worry a lot, that left me feeling defeated. And at my lowest point I asked myself: “Are my days of exercising, lifting weights, and moving pain-free gone forever?”
But there were 3 things I had going for me– and that saved my body and my health. Or to reframe it: I have done some 3 hard things in the past that made me believe I could came back from this
- I’ve overcome not one, but two major injuries before. And I know that I came back from those stronger than I used to be
- I gritted through a 4-year Math degree. With every class being more technical, abstract and challenging than the last. 15 years later, I still carry the confidence that I can learn anything I put my mind to
- I’ve built systems and tools for myself to navigate and manage deep mental health challenges. And I am familiar with how my mind tricks me into negativity
All this together gave me the confidence to say “I can come back from this, I can learn about how nerve pain in the body works, and I can design an active lifestyle that works for me today.”
Today it’s July of 2023, and I am still as active and as strong as ever.
I’ll be honest, once in a while, the nerve pain does come back. (So to be fair– the doctor was right in that aspect!)
But, I also have been able to solve that puzzle of staying active, exercising, and doing the things I enjoy.
Look back on your experiences of “Doing hard things”
I’m sure when you were starting out, it felt completely overwhelming, and even impossible to do.
Maybe you weren’t sure how you’d figure it out.
Maybe it felt like you had no idea what you were doing.
Maybe it felt like you were making mistakes all along the way.
But today you’re here and you got through it!
You have the ability, resilience, and discipline to actually do hard things.
The proof you can do hard things is one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself.
And working on your health can be one of those hard things you choose